


Even When I Doubt You

by Lisztomaniaddict



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Crying, Early Days, Fighting, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mark is a dachshund, RAB - Freeform, That will make sense later, Tyler just needs a nap you guys, fight, hugging it out, josh dun - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 23:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19119592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisztomaniaddict/pseuds/Lisztomaniaddict
Summary: “Why won’t you just listen to me! This isn’t good for you! It isn’t healthy! Why won’t you just take a break?” Tyler was silent. “Tyler, answer me!”“BECAUSE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”-Tyler’s been working nonstop. Josh tries to help him, and he snaps.





	Even When I Doubt You

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda a mess? Not really what I thought it was going to be. Nonetheless, enjoy!

   He played the track back again. “No.”

“I thought it sounded fine.” Josh said from his spot on the living room couch. 

“Fine. Fine.” Tyler mocked, continuing his frustrated editing on the keyboard. “Fine isn’t good enough.” He muttered. 

“Why don’t you just take a break?” Josh suggested, calmly voicing his concern. “Eat something. Take a nap. Come back to it later.” Tyler ran his hands back through his hair, leaning back in the chair with a frustrated sigh. 

“No. You don’t understand.”  

“In case you’ve forgotten, I’m in this band too. I write music too.” 

“No. No. No.” He muttered. “You just don’tunderstand.” 

“Then, help me understand, Tyler!” Josh stood up, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “What do I not understand?”

“It’s not good enough!” He shouted back. 

They hadn’t really ever fought like this before. When Tyler met Josh through a mutual friend, they’d hit it off pretty quickly. Bonding over their combined love of music and Taco Bell. It didn’t take long for Josh to join the band, and Tyler had pretty soon declared him his best friend. But seriously creating and writing music together for pretty much the first time? It had put a lot of stress on their relationship and shoulders. But it had really hit Tyler the hardest. 

“What are you talking about? It sounded fine! You just need a break.” He placed one hand on Tyler’s shoulder, hoping to knock him out of whatever train of thought he’d entrenched himself in. He knew that Tyler could get into a very self-destructive mindset sometimes, and that worried him. Tyler merely shrugged it off. 

“I don’t need a break. I need to keep working.” Josh made a sharp noise of disbelief. He was done being quiet. 

“Why won’t you just listen to me! This isn’t good for you! It isn’t healthy! Why won’t you just take a break?” Tyler was silent. “Tyler, answer me!”

“BECAUSE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” 

Josh stepped back. 

“I’m not-“ Tyler gave a shaky breath. “I’m  not good enough.” 

“Ty-“ 

“I want to help people, Josh. I want to help people like me. Who are lost. Who are hopeless. Who are hurting themselves. People like me. Kids. Like me.” He sat down on the couch, resting his head in his hands. 

   “This album has to be perfect. I need it to be everything that I can get it to be. I can’t just stop at fine. I can’t let myself stop at fine.” 

Josh looked at him, gathering his thoughts. Tyler looked so small, and broken. And it tore him apart. “You’re not-“ He paused, to organize his sentence. “You’re not letting anyone down.” Josh said softly. He watched Tyler’s fingers tug at his hair, fingernails against his scalp. Josh sat down next to him, gently pulling Tyler’s hands out of his hair. “Stop it. You’re hurting your self.” He said gently. 

“I just wanna help, you know? Wanted to be who I needed when I was broken. Wanted to be that for other people.” Tyler’s voice wavered. 

“You can’t be a rock for someone alone. You need someone to back you up too.” Josh said. “You can’t be that person for people and not have someone be that person for you. You can’t do that to yourself. You can’t expect that of yourself.” 

Tyler bit down on his lip to keep from crying. Hands clasped tightly in his lap. Staring down at the graying carpet of his parents basement. “But that’s- that’s how I did things. That’s how it was-“

“Not anymore.” His voice was soft but firm.  “Now you’ve got me.”

That’s what broke him. Tyler’s stone expression crumbled, giving way to pent emotions going back years. Fear, pain, neglect. His body shook as sobs tore through his exhausted frame, tears falling from tired eyes.   

“I- I- I cant- just- I don’t-“ Broken syllables fell from Tyler’s lips as he cried, head in his hands. The sound filled the room, like a 40 ton weight across Josh’s chest, but somehow hollow at the same time. Crushing him, but leaving him feeling empty. 

“I’m s- sorry.” He whimpered, slowly running out of energy to cry, letting tears fall unchecked onto his lap, until he had nothing left. 

Hoping to help ease Tyler’s mind somewhat, Josh cleared his throat and started to recite. “Do not be daunted by the enormity of the worlds grief,” Tyler stilled for a moment, listening. He continued. “Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now.” He looked towards Tyler, who had his eyes closed in concentration. “You are not obligated to complete the work,” he said softly. “but neither are you free to abandon it.” 

Tyler sniffed. “Where did you learn that?” 

“It’s a quote I read a while back. A priest or something.”

“I liked it.” He moved closer to Josh. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

They were quiet for a moment. 

“I’m not annoying am I?” Tyler said softly. 

“Why would you think that? Of course not.”

   He looked down at his hands. “Oh.” 

“Why would you think that?” 

“I’m just always the person who vents and complains and tells you about all of my existential crises and-“

“Hey,” Josh interjected, reaching over and taking Tyler’s hand in his own. “Calm down. You’re not annoying. Everyone needs to vent. Some more than others.” He watched a tear fall slowly down Tyler’s face. “Look at me.” He placed a hand under Tyler’s chin. 

“You are going to help so many people. I mean it. You’re going to make it.” Josh’s voice was unwavering. “You are going to do something amazing with your life. I can already tell. And I plan to stand by you every step of the way.” Josh chuckled. “As long as we don’t kick each other out of the band first.” 

Tyler’s mind fought it self for a moment before falling forward and wrapping his arms around Josh. He held on to him like a port in a storm, sobs tearing through his body. Josh held him tight, whispering soft words of comfort. “Y-You really- really mean-n that?”

“Absolutely. You and me? We’re gonna sell out shows, man.” 

“Th-the Base- Basement?” 

   “Mm... Bigger.”

“The N-Newpor-port?”

“Bigger.” 

Tyler was silent a moment, save for his unsteady breathing. “I can’t th-think of any.” 

Josh placed a soft hand on the small of his back, pulling him closer. “How ‘bout Madison Square Garden?” 

“You really think we- we could make it?” 

 Josh pulled away to look him directly in the eye. 

“No doubt in my mind. You are so freaking talented, you know that? Singing, and bass, and ukulele, and keys, and guitar, and drums, and songwriting. Dude, you barely even need me! The only thing I contribute is trumpet and Redbull funds.” That made Tyler giggle. It was snuffed out pretty quickly, by sniffling and sweater sleeves, but it was a laugh nonetheless. 

“There we go! A laugh! That’s good!” Josh encouraged. Tyler wiped his eyes again. 

“You do more than that you know.” He mumbled. “You’re always there. To help me get out of my head. Or the house. To say something encouraging. To reassure me that everything’s fine when I wake up at 3am. And you beat the crap out of your drums.” Tyler smiled. Josh looked down at his hands with a small smile. “No, really.” Tyler insisted. “You’re amazing. There’s no one I would rather go on this crazy, confusing, wacko adventure with.” Tyler wrapped his arms around him again, pulling him close. 

“I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I should have listened to you.” Tyler said quietly.

“Yeah. You should have.” Josh sighed. “But it’s okay.”

“It’s not. You were just trying to help me and yelled at you and I was so stuck in my head that-“

Josh took his hand again. “Okay. Maybe it’s not okay. But I forgive you nonetheless.” Tyler still didn’t look convinced, so he continued. “You screwed up. It happens. But you can’t let it eat away at you. If you do, you’ll just be stuck reliving the same moment in your head over and over. No one deserves that.”

“But I was screaming at you. I didn’t listen to you. You knew what was best for me and I didn’t-“

Josh suddenly placed both his hands on each side of Tyler’s face. “Stop.” Tyler was quiet. “Breathe.” Tyler inhaled and exhaled. “Now will you just listen to me?” Tyler nodded. Josh sighed and put his hands down. Tyler’s cheeks suddenly felt very cold without Josh’s hand there. 

“I’m not mad anymore. I just worry about you, okay? I do. And I worry that one day-“ Josh gave a heavy sigh. “-one day, I’m not gonna be there when you need me. And I don’t want that to happen. I care about you, Tyler. Okay? I really do. No matter how many times you don’t listen to me. So maybe, on weekdays from 8 to 10? And only every other Tuesday, you’ll listen to me.”

“What about holidays?”

“Only universally observed holidays. And your birthday.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

Tyler gave a heavy sigh, leaning back against the couch. “God, we’re such a mess.” 

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Josh said. “Gosh, it felt horrible. Like kicking a puppy.”

 Tyler gave out a breathy chuckle. “I’m a puppy?”

“Absolutely. You’re my cute, messy haired, insomniac cocker spaniel.” He said, ruffling Tyler’s hair. 

“Cocker spaniel? Man, I thought I’d at least be a lab or something.”

“Nah. You’re definitely a spaniel.” 

“Really?”

“Be grateful. You could be a dachshund.”

They were silent for another minute or so. 

“Mark’s a dachshund.” Tyler said. 

“Mark is definitely a dachshund.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave recommendations for stories in the comments! I love hearing from you guys. Thank you for reading!


End file.
